That would be okay.

“B-O-K. What does that spell?”
“What if you put an S on the end?”
“Then it would say ‘box’ but that’s not how you spell it.  It’s B-O-X.”
“Go up to your brother and tell him he’s a B-O-X.”

“He was shaking my neck.”
“Now go tell him he’s a B-U-D.”

“B-U-M-O-S-O-G. What does that spell? I’m a B-U-M-O-S-O-G.  I’m a B-U-M-O-S-O-G.”

That’s a fish story

“How big was I when I was born?”

“I think you were about twenty-two inches.”

“Wow! That’s pretty big!”

“It’s about this big,” (he demonstrates.)

“Yeah. I guess that’s about as big as a fish.”

Encounter with a young insect enthusiast

“Did you see some of those caterpillars?”
“I don’t know. What kind are they?”
“They’re green and about this long,” he demonstrates with his fingers- about an inch and a half, “and they have horns that if you poke them they go in, and they smell kind of weird.”
“Nope. I didn’t see any of those.”
“Darn. They’re awesome.”

When I was a little boy…

“When I was a little boy and had a runny nose my dad took a rake and took me out to the garden and taught me how to use a rake. By the time he was done teaching me to rake I was sweating so much that my nose stopped running, and my dad said, ‘let that be a lesson to you.’

That year we had a really really big pumpkin patch. It was really big but there were no pumpkins in it because the rabbits dug holes in it and the pumpkins fell in. The mother rabbit had dug the holes and the baby rabbits in the holes thought the mother would come back and get them but she didn’t. So they had to eat pumpkin from the time there were little baby bunnies. Then in the fall they popped through the pumpkins. The pumpkins were soft by this time because there had been a snow on October 32nd. When the rabbits came through they had teeth like pumpkin teeth- sharp and orange.

Then they dragged a straw bale into the pumpkin patch and brought the straw under the pumpkin leaves. They built themselves a little house. It was really well insulated.

But now I can’t tell you any more because when I’m telling you a story Sparky can’t work. She has to listen to the story.”

“No! She’s working.”

“She’s writing the story.”

She’s a wicked teacher…

Seen on my aunt’s fridge: a note from one of her grade two supply-teaching students which read, “To Mrs. D I’m glad you came. I hope you have a nice day. You are the beast!

Dating Semantics

We thought it time to introduce to the younger siblings the delicate matter of modern courtship, and during the discussion we came up with a few of the principles of dating:
-Having a date with someone involves eating a dried fruit (i.e. a date) with them.
-Dating someone is pelleting that person with said dried fruit.
-Being on a date is a sure way to get sticky feet.
-And finally, getting a person to stand on one of the aforementioned dried fruit and leaving him or her there is what is commonly called “standing someone up on a date.”

Happy _th Birthday, Mom!

It was the day before Mom’s birthday and since we were going to be away the following day, I had baked her a cake for a surprise.  Junior was helping me put the candles in the cake, and rather than try to find the right number I just chose a bunch that matched each other.  Meanwhile Junior went to ask Mom how old she was going to be.
“I’ll be fifty-two.”
Junior returned.
“Well Mom’s birthday isn’t till tomorrow, so I guess we need fifty-one candles.”
I had found ten and stuck them in a circle in the top of the round cake.  It was obvious that there weren’t fifty-one, but Junior wanted to count them anyway.  He got to eleven before he realized he had lost track of the first one.  So I told him I’d help: I would turn the cake while he counted.  This time he got up to fifteen before he realized something was up.  Too bad- if we had kept it up I’m sure we could have gotten to fifty-one.  Or fifty-two.

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